“It’s an illusion, this pop thing,” says Edward Tudor Pole, chatting to York Calling. “Showbusiness is an illusion that the audience buys into.”

By Miles Salter

The former pop star (famous but never anything approaching George Michael or Britney Spears level of celebrity) has written a book about his colourful, unusual life. The Pen Is Mightier, published earlier this year by OldCastle Books, is so full of great stories and well known people that it’s hard to know where to start. Perhaps the entry point is Ed’s outrageous vocal on Who Killed Bambi? from the Sex Pistols’ film The Great Rock ‘n’ Roll Swindle. Or maybe it’s his stint presenting The Crystal Maze? Or perhaps it’s his band, Ten Pole Tudor who scored a memorable, outlandish hit with Swords of A Thousand Men in 1981. Or perhaps it’s his familial link to Richard III. 

Tudor Pole is witty, curious about me, and a little defiant. He’s his own man, and has been all his life – he once ran away from school. But the trick to life, he says, is rubbing shoulders with others, treating everyone as though they’re an equal. His childhood was unhappy, and whilst his mother was an incomparable beauty (the photo of her in the book is utterly beguiling, an English rose with a hint of Marilyn Monroe),  she was the product of an immensely dysfunctional family, and was unable to provide her son with the affection that should have been his.

I ask Ed if creatives need a bad start in life and he ruminates on how creatives look inwards when their reality is hard to take. When reality is hard to take, he says, artists “create something of their own…warped people – they think outside the box.”  

The book is a raucous, hugely enjoyable read. I tell Ed how much I enjoyed it – I tore through it in no time at all. He started to write it in lockdown, when the world went quiet and there wasn’t much else to do. A great outpouring of memory resulted in 250,000 words, much too long for a digestible book, with Ed hammering away, exploring the back pages of his unusual life.

After some frustrating shopping around, OldCastle books eventually took it on, but with some severe editorial pruning. “You have to tell stories,” says Ed, which he does very well – the tales, some funny, some a little dark, come thick and fast. The childhood trauma he experienced is alluded to in the book, but you get the feeling he’s sparing the reader some of the more unpleasant details. He never loses sight of his audience, although the usage of ‘dear reader’, which he enjoys employing again (and again) did get irritating after the hundredth time.

Tudor Pole was part of the punk generation. He rubbed shoulders with The Sex Pistols and Malcolm McLaren. Occasionally his humour is pitch black – although the joke at the expense of Nancy Spungen, Sid Vicious’ doomed girlfriend, made me laugh out loud. Nancy died in very unpleasant circumstances in 1978 and Vicious was charged with her murder, before himself expiring in a horrible way. Tudor Pole, finding humour in the darkness, recalls Spungen’s awful singing. “I felt sorry for Sid but having seen Nancy Spungen at (an) audition, I wasn’t surprised she’d driven somebody to kill her.” I mean, ouch. But ha ha. But ouch.

Tudor Pole’s associates in the ’70s and early ’80s give the book lots of colour. Malcolm McLaren, who Ed says had an ‘anarchic spirit of mischievousness’, comes across as punk version of Arthur Daley, ducking and diving with a nose for dark adventure. McLaren dreamed up a scheme that was extremely dubious, suggesting to Tudor Pole that they go to Paris and film the singer ‘having sex with fifteen-year-old girls.’ Fortunately, Tudor Pole declined, citing his preference for music. McLaren said ‘We’ve DONE rock and roll, Tenpole. That’s old hat!’

 Observations of the wild kids of the ’70s are sometimes pithily accurate. Vivienne Westwood, the formidable fashion leader and punk, was ‘quite devoid of any small talk’. Tudor Pole’s memories of hanging around with The Pretenders are also really interesting – Pete Farndon, the band’s bass player with an unfortunate disposition to drugs, offered Tudor Pole heroin, while Chrissie Hynde was (briefly) the singer’s girlfriend. Hynde, along with Martin Chambers, survived the decimation of the band (both Farndon and James Honeyman-Scott died tragically young). Tudor Pole admits to being “overwhelmed” by Hynde’s presence and good looks, but also acknowledges that she was “tough as nails to survive that degree of fame.” 

Ten Pole Tudor enjoyed success, Swords Of A Thousand Men made them brief stars, and it’s still a jubilant thing, over forty years on, enjoying a resurgence when it was included in The Pirates!, a film by Aardman Animation in 2012.  The 1981 hit led to three years of non-stop work, and the rigours of touring are recorded in the book, with stories of numerous lovers, what Tudor Pole describes as “his daily girl,” although he now sees all that as shallow. “They fall for an image, not a real person,” he says. 

Tudor Pole enjoyed some years as an actor (he went to RADA in the ’70s), although is dismissive of people in the profession. Their insecurity annoys him – he once had to listen to Kenneth Branagh list all of his achievements, which does sound pretty irritating, and recalls Tim Roth moaning about a lack of work. First world problems spring to mind, and  Tudor Pole has an ability to see through the bullshit of fame and celebrity. Being presenter of The Crystal Maze, he says, brought the acting gigs to a halt. (“I knew that would stop all the phone calls for acting,” he says.) The book is a tremendous read, and York Calling recommends it. Ed Tudor Pole has not had a charmed life – it’s had its tough parts. But, as he says, “I haven’t been in charge of my own destiny…there’s been some great tour manager in the sky, keeping an eye on me.”

The Pen Is Mightier By Edward Tudor Pole is out now, published by OldCastle Books.

Edward Tudor Pole plays the Rebellion Festival in Blackpool, 7 – 10 August 2025.  

Miles Salter is a writer and musician based in York. He fronts the band Miles and The Chain Gang and is currently writing a book on The Pretenders. He contributes regularly to York Calling.